Astro Forecast 6.25.25: A Super Charged New Moon Gets Kind of Fucked By Saturn

Jupiter and the new moon are midwifing a new era in Cancer, the delivery room of the zodiac - but Saturn's involvement means it might not be easy or enjoyable.

A beautiful moon, fighting the shadows of Saturn and Neptune

What is happening?!

Here we are, my sweet, summer children, in a mental space we’ll likely inhabit for the rest of our lives; walking the perimeter of the longest day of the year, the decade, and perhaps all of human history. Every day in 2025 breaks a new record, and by the time the aliens come to throw out humanity the trash, turn off all the lights and lock up, one day will amount to 20 years worth of aging. Or it would, were we to survive long enough to meet the elusive, anus-prodding extraterrestrials of our wild imagination, but I have a feeling that those clever bastards have been running the traffic light that intersects their galaxy and ours for some time, just to avoid us. I doubt they’ll show their embryonic little faces around here unless we’re long gone, and can we blame them?

The summer solstice, i.e. the official longest day of the year, kicked off a series of celestial transitions that will rush at us faster than one of those modern, cinematic zombies, and it does feel like we are being eaten alive one vicious news bite at a time. As he exited Gemini, a house full of information junkies, Jupiter opened up the firehose and doused us with so many dire issues that it’s hard to know where to start. Global neofascism? The new U.S. kakistocracy? Genocides, femicides, climate disasters, and nuclear war? Even writing about these things makes me feel like a carnival barker, except instead of cool rides and funnel cakes I am advertising shit, diarrhea, and more shit. Step up, step up, we have every kind of fecal matter you could ever want! Politicians! Technocrat assholes! Only ten tickets for full sewage immersion! You’ll never smell the same again, and that’s okay, because the alien exterminators are on their way! Step right up!

Jupiter’s natural push for cohesion was greatly hindered in Gemini, who breaks big ideas into chewable pieces so that they may be quickly analyzed and consumed, which is why so many of us spent last year frantically catching and throwing potential catastrophes like balls without ever internalizing the shape of the court or, hell, even the game we were playing. Everything felt horrible, but also disparate and disconnected. Now, the big guy with the red eye is exalted in Cancer, whose major signature is human connection; to each other, our families, our past, and our ideals. Even better, Jupiter formed a conjunction, a.k.a. a cazimi, with the sun on Tuesday, which is a reset of his synodic cycle that perfected just a hair before today’s new moon in Cancer, also a synodic cycle reset. This means that the power of the sun, moon, and Jupiter are combining forces to begin a new era, and the times, they are a changin’, whether we like it or not.

The Crab is a drastically different beast from The Twins; a bucket of liquid feelings where, like most water temples, emotional connection is the driver for every interaction, and practical or ideological consequences are rarely contemplated; until, of course, those consequences make Cancer flip their switch to bitchy, passive-aggressive player mode. The zodiac’s lone moon ruled sign waxes and wanes like a lunatic, in part because they are so keyed in to other people’s emotions, if not their logic. Gemini wants to dissect, and Cancer wants to connect, which is a very interesting inclination in times like these, when there is evidence all around us that human beings don’t actually like each other all that much and would prefer slaughtering their neighbor to sharing resources with them. Before we dwell on political assassinations, the hunting and killing of starving children, and whatever a Stephen Miller is (Cave creature? Golem? The world’s first bipedal hairless rat?), the cardinal nature of Cancer is taking over our skies and reminding us that new beginnings are always possible for whoever has the backbone and compassion to begin them.

It’s hard to overstate how useful this week’s astrology could be for us; any projects, lifestyle changes, or relationships we’ve been trying to get off the ground at home or work could finally find traction if we channel authentic passion and focus. As much as Jupiter loves grandiosity, he rarely gives people something for nothing, and right now it feels as though we don’t even know what to ask for. Like those withered cross-dressers at the Vatican, our purple gas giant loves institutions and shared beliefs, as those are what transform a disparate group of hooligans into an actual society; one with laws, schools, and a solid social contract. Unfortunately for the Pope and all of us, those are also the very things decaying in our modern hellscape, and because Jupiter doesn’t have an inside voice, they are decaying loudly.

Is he going to fix everything for us now that he’s in Cancer and doing the nasty with our sun and moon? As awesome as it would be to wake up on Thursday morning to a pristine, peaceful world, that probably isn’t going to happen.* Gregarious Jupiter loves largess and often substitutes blind amplification for thoughtful analysis, which can lead to an overly simple, optimistic approach, one that is quickly negated by a more somber reality. That negation is being ushered in via astrological aspect by exactly the guy you think; Jupiter’s ravenous father and everybody’s favorite ringed curmudgeon, Saturn.

*And even if it did happen, you wouldn’t hear about it from me, as I assume you don’t come here for astrology filled with love and light. And if you do come here for that…why? Who hurt you?

We shouldn’t be surprised when Saturn shows up to crap in our cereal, since it’s kind of his thing, but you’d think he would have taken one look at the last five months and thought, “You know what? It looks like my work here is done, so instead of squaring what would otherwise be a romantic new moon of tremendous healing and good fortune, I’m getting on a plane to Maui”, but he’s too much of a downer for that, so here we are.

Saturn, lord of time and aging, just ingressed into Aries this spring, so he’s operating in his grandson’s temple of youth and rage. This is like when your grandpa is visiting and you try to show him how to play Call of Duty - he likes it, but he’s bad with the controller and he can’t stop criticizing the ways in which game play diverges from his tour in Iraq. Saturn is still squaring Jupiter, too, so he’s presenting obstacles to this entire new moon conjunction that jive with his archetypal signatures; negation, time constraints, and restrictions on scope of whatever it is that Jupiter wants us to connect with. If that weren’t enough, space cadet Neptune is still in the mix, having just perfected the same square with Jupiter.

So the major players this week - Jupiter, the sun, the moon, Saturn, and Neptune, are split into two teams on opposite sides of a cardinal square, elbowing each other into a state of irritation. Interestingly, the latter half of our week is Mercury dominant, which suggests that we’ll be chattering and moving around in reaction to whatever our new moon portends. Is it going to be good? Bad? Apocalyptic? Likely a mix of both, so let’s go day by day and figure out when we need to hide in our basements.

Luna’s ingress from Gemini to Cancer, depicted in The Lovers and The High Priestess of the Low Brow Tarot

NEW MOON AND CARDINAL SQUARE OF HOPE AND IMMATURITY

Prominent Days: Tuesday 6.24, Wednesday 6.25, Thursday 6.26

Sun in Cancer: Class president whose whole vibe is ‘sensitive guy’, socials are just pictures of his girlfriend or his mom, thinks passive aggression is leadership

Moon in Cancer: Gorgeous, ageless woman who sporadically appears at twilight on the beach with a picnic basket that seems to contain every supply you could possibly need, plus wine

Jupiter in Cancer: Zealous new preacher, thinks everyone he meets is desperate to be saved, invented the term ‘mega church’ and doesn’t see the irony

Saturn in Aries: Military grandpa, reinvigorated and nostalgic for combat, spends his days teaching martial arts to young whippersnappers, yelling at clouds, fools, and solicitors

Neptune in Aries: Esoteric, geriatric painter in the middle of his third wind because his weed was spiked with coke, hides knives in his clothes

Mars in Virgo: Uptight, germaphobe army recruit specializing in analysis and special ops, genuinely believes bloodshed builds a better world

THE LIGHT - The romance of this new moon opens up possibilities for new connections, relationships, and philosophies. We might meet people who will become key to our emotional health down the line, because immortal Saturn believes in doing things for the long haul, so he lends permanence to any changes we make during this lunation. Despite Kronos’ best efforts, there is still a ton of good luck coming at us from his son, so check out where you have Jupiter in your chart to see where in your life you should hit the gas pedal. This is also a GREAT moon cycle to make reparations and concessions with estranged loved ones or family members if you’ve been wistfully pondering old beefs. Cancer is a domain of compassion and forgiveness, ultimately, and if we desire it, any olive branches offered are likely to be accepted.

THE SHADOW - Jupiter can be so bombastic that he instills unearned confidence in people, occasionally leading to embarrassing outcomes or unexpected ego deflation, and we should remember that his cazimi will leave him a bit raw and impulsive. There will be a tendency to over indulge and over promise (like bombing a country and declaring victory before you even know what you hit, ahem), so stay realistic and be mindful of that third glass of wine. Or fourth. Fifth. Sixth. Whatever, astrology doesn’t judge.* There will certainly be consequences to extremism, what with Saturn and Neptune lurking in the wings, but the devious nature of Neptune could make it seem like everything’s fine…until it isn’t. Mars is quietly participating in this via sextile to Jupiter, remember, so accidents and violence are possible in both the personal and collective realm, especially if we get egotistical and over confident. (Like thinking you’ll coast through an election on the same miserable sort of platform that got us to 2025, ahem.)

*Unless you are Saturn or Virgo. Those assholes do nothing BUT judge.

MERCURY GETS DRAMATIC AND RILES UP SATURN, NEPTUNE WITH TRINE

Prominent Days: Thursday 6.26, Friday 6.27, Saturday 6.28

Mercury in Leo: Busybody theater kid who knows everyone’s business and never shuts the fuck up about it

Saturn in Aries: Military grandpa, reinvigorated and nostalgic for combat, spends his days teaching martial arts to young whippersnappers, yelling at clouds, fools, and solicitors

Neptune in Aries: Esoteric, geriatric painter in the middle of his third wind because his weed was spiked with coke, hides knives in his clothes

THE LIGHT - Trines are an aspect that behave like connective tissue; even dramatically different planets will combine forces to help each other out when they trine each other. In this instance, Mercury in Leo will broadcast all the vibes, intentions, and hot gossip from Saturn and Neptune in Aries, forming a dramatic, fiery partnership. Saturn will definitely be talking conflict and consequences, but Neptune will make it tough to tell bluster from reality. Individually, this is a good aspect for completing difficult tasks (Saturn) as well as daunting artistic projects (Neptune).

THE SHADOW - Fire signs can be a lot, and Leo is the biggest attention whore of this elemental trine. Mercury gets overstimulated and dramatic in the temple of The Lion, so expect the newsfeeds and socials to trumpet headlines in the manner of a theater kid bogarting the mic at a talent show. Everything! Will be! Overstated! Certain headlines may feel inescapable and exhausting, but keep in mind that they are unlikely to be the whole, unvarnished truth; Neptune is still fucking with us, so try not to get caught up in the drama only to fruitlessly burn out your adrenal glands.

MERCURY AND PLUTO HAVE A TENSE, FIXED STARING CONTEST

Prominent Days: Saturday 6.28, Sunday 6.29, Monday 6.30

Mercury in Leo: Busybody theater kid who knows everyone’s business and never shuts the fuck up about it

Pluto in Aquarius: Campus criminal, has a bone to pick with authority, keeps dirt on everyone, basically a sociopath

THE LIGHT - Well, well, well, what do we have here? Nothing less than Hermes and Hades getting into a tiff over dinner, causing Hermes to break confidence and spread gossip from The Underworld all over town. We could learn some shadowy, juicy stuff from Mercury regarding a deception, betrayal, or criminal activity, and because Pluto is a generational planet, I suspect this sordid reveal will have more to do with the collective than the individual. In the personal realm, this is a moment to direct a thorough investigation at one important issue; this will be especially useful turned inward in therapy or other sorts of self-analysis and could lead to transformative clarity.

THE SHADOW - The friction between an ostentatious Mercury and aloof Pluto may result in weird, extreme positions and acrimonious debates, because both are operating from the rigid zodiac temples of Leo and Aquarius, respectively. Changing minds that are already made up will be nigh impossible under this astrology, and Pluto has a knack for encouraging dangerous cults. We can fall prey to obsession and conspiracies if we aren’t careful, so the best way to use this aspect is to keep digging beneath wild theories until our intellectual shovel clangs against the truth like a rock. Anyone working extra hard to convince you of something should be met with severe side-eye; ulterior motives are hiding behind most of the information being vomited out to the collective, but good liars always mix truth and fiction in order to make themselves believable. Don’t be a sucker.

Don’t worry, the fun won’t truly start until Uranus enters Gemini on July 7th

The Big Picture. Maybe.

The period of our sun’s transition from late Gemini into early Cancer pummeled our brains with a shitstorm of catastrophes; a public falling out between two egomaniacal assholes that may or may not have been real, the largest mass protest the United States has ever seen coinciding with creepy political assassinations in Minnesota, new, shameless cruelties inflicted during an ongoing genocide, a clown car full of mutants clumsily pushing through legislation that will kill millions of Americans, and whatever Sean Combs has been doing with all that baby oil. As promised, 2025 has every variety of crap you could ever want.

The turd doing most of the clogging in my toilet bowl of a country, though, was our unprovoked bombing of another sovereign nation, prompting talking heads and TikTok kiddos alike to opine nervously about a third world war. Never mind that the rhetoric spouted by U.S. warmongers was a cut and paste job from a similar shit show in our recent past, or that Iran, the sovereign country we attacked, had rather publicly moved anything important away from the bomb targets days prior. The war gossip hit its stride and everyone in charge jabbered gleefully about total obliteration (very Plutonian) immediately following the (probably) illegal maneuver.

Faster than our drunk Secretary of Defense could garble out the word ‘uranium’, however, the administration executed an about face and claimed, through Donald Trump’s cypher and walking Garbage Pail Kid J.D. Vance, that we didn’t mean to start a war with Iran…we simply started a war with Iran’s nuclear program. How uncanny, considering diplomatic talks involving that program had already been scheduled. Did the U.S. diplomats suddenly, conveniently run short on interpreters and choose violence as the next best option? (Obviously there wouldn’t be Iranian translators - I doubt anyone in the Ayatollah’s regime is fluent in chucklefuck.) Or was this act of aggression something calculated and performed by all parties to capture the attention of their respective, propagandized citizens; the sensationalist tail wagging a deeply stupid, criminal dog? Neptune is only two degrees into Aries, and already we cannot tell if a war is based on real grievance or manufactured by craven politicians; the surface of the thing is going to look completely different than the subaquatic trenches.

As of this writing, none of those possibilities matter anymore, because the dude doing the unhinged bombing claims to have brokered a truce between Israel, who I suppose resented having their resources diverted away from killing kids, and Iran, the country on the receiving end of those attention-hogging bunker busters. The most concrete accomplishment of this unnecessary crisis was a complete media takeover; no one is prioritizing the coverage of a dying climate, or extra judicial kidnappings, or the fact that we're all incredibly fucking poor and getting demonstratively angry about it. Also conveniently deprioritized was news of women suffering due to abortion bans, multiple mass shootings, worrying construction of multiple prison camps, and the quiet installation of a fascist dickhead’s surveillance software in almost everything we touch.

The point of all this, and the biggest takeaway from current astrology, is that we are being manipulated and deceived. If Neptune had a middle name, it would be deception*, and layers of deceit are being spread across the collective in such a way that it is impossible to tell truth from fiction. Aries’ middle name would be violence, of course, so the falsehoods we’re being fed are either obfuscating conflict or they are in service of it, possibly both. This is the fog of civilizational transition, which we will best navigate by appreciating real connections, staying grounded, getting the fuck off of our devices, and doing our best to preserve Jupiterian hope. It’s a shit storm of an era, to be sure, but those of us who survive will have done so by seeing the sewage for what it is, dealing with it, and doing everything we can to cleanse our oceans clear again. Until then, we have to keep calling out the shit when we see it.

*If Neptune does have a middle name, I would guess that only Saturn ever uses it, and probably only when he’s angry. “NEPTUNE DECEPTION PLANET, you are in big trouble. Come to the other side of the Milky Way THIS INSTANT.”