Astro Forecast 8.14.24: We Better Get Ready To Rumble
Mars and Jupiter team up this week to kick off a cascading series of planetary aspects, and they are NOT screwing around.
What is happening?!
We have enjoyed a little lull in the astrological action these past few weeks and made some space for joyful moments; sports people got excited and nerdy for the summer Olympics, the Northern Lights graced us in the PNW with an encore during the Perseid Meteor shower, and vacationers the world over swam their final swims of Leo season in oceans that are just now beginning to cool down from record high temperatures. This is the swan song of late summer; kites weaving in hazy skies, back to school shopping, and drunken barbecues all squished in to the butt end of August like a frantic, bacchanalian blow-out before the start of a new job, new school, new era, and the end of fun.
Despite a Leo new moon on 8.4, the vibes have been pretty subdued for what is usually peak extrovert time, largely thanks to Mercury doing their deceptive moonwalk until the end of the month and naturally introducing more caution to our Hot Astrology Summer than we might normally cultivate. In America, we’ve experienced several collective, “The FUCK?” moments in quick succession and are just now getting our bearings when it comes to the revised cultural and political fabric of 2024, so we haven’t really had a moment to do anything other than stand still as we receive the manic transmissions from our ruling class, mouths agape, our blood pressure rising to fatal levels.
The stars have been gracious enough to play possum while we acclimate, pausing on any earth shattering transits until, well, today. We are now tasked with getting up to full speed immediately, because the celestial bodies are revving their engines after their brief nap and will flatten us on their way around the cosmos if we don’t snap to attention.
Personally, procrastination is one of my worst sins. I constantly use the last of my coffee and put off buying more (I know.) When I do that, the morning that I lack any coffee is a lost morning. My brain is too sleep-addled to do anything other than follow a routine; go to cupboard, grab beans and grinder, grind beans, boil water, fill French press. When the beans are gone, it takes me 20 minutes of processing reality while I turn in circles in my kitchen, achieving nothing. Over the course of another 20 minutes, I will realize that I need new coffee, turn in a few more circles, then finally leave my house to circumvent my soft-brained, slow-moving personal tragedy. Now, imagine that an entire planet did that, and her citizenry have only just caffeinated themselves to the point of being able to process reality. That’s the feeling of this astrology - it’s like the last month was a coffee-less morning of reorientation, and now the planets are palpably energized, ready to make something different happen.
Resolutions to the world’s various ills may not present themselves this season or even this year, which means our energy, our caffeinated itchiness, is going to build and pulsate as several planets get up to shenanigans of the highest order. We will feel buzzy and full, like a pimple that needs popping, but we will lack a fulfilling outlet for all of our toxic expulsion. This results in natural frustration and the ratcheting up of pressure on said pimple. The nature of the universe, and that of human beings, apparently, has forever been both gross and strange.
Why would this affect me?
Every planet barring Neptune and Pluto will be activated over the next two weeks, building on this energy in the areas of life they control. Although this may result in collective upheaval, anybody with a pulse could argue that’s nothing new. Floods? Genocide? Coup de tat? Earthquakes? Meh. We’ve certainly seen plenty of all that over the past decade. In a more personal sense, anyone with heavy cardinal sign placements in their natal chart will bear the brunt of transitional discomfort because the houses of Gemini, Virgo, and Pisces are where all this action is taking place. These are double-bodies signs who already live life straddling various seasons, viewpoints, and moral positions because they are, by their nature, interested in all pieces of information, all sides of an argument, and all liminal space (shit, have you met a Gemini? They LIVE in the liminal space and see no reason to choose a position until the very, very end of the matter. Donald Trump is a Gemini sun. I rest my case.)
The point of all this is to recognize the present as a wobbly bit of time where unexpected transition and upheaval will force us into an uncertain head space, and human beings are deeply uncomfortable with uncertainty. It makes them angry and afraid, and an activated Mars loves to instigate violence when people are angry and afraid.
Lest Ares stab me in the chest for picking on him, I should note that all of the planets in activation have their little quirks and foibles that could bite us in the ass over the next few weeks. Getting familiar with their worst attributes is a nice way to prepare for a possible shit show, so let’s review:
Mercury, the slippery fuck, likes to vomit veritable oceans of information at us during these moments, and a retrograde Mercury is sure to pull out some wacky bullshit that has been debunked before, nestled in a field otherwise sown with grains of truth. It will be hard to tell the difference between the two, and we might have to sift through the entire acreage in staid, Virgoan fashion in order to grasp real facts, which will take awhile. Expect to be frustrated. Expect bickering. Expect wild claims and accusations to be flung about the public square under the guise of intellectualism, as Hermes is the consummate professor and thinker. According to him, anyway.
Mars, my man Ares, is our desire, our inflection point, and our instinct for retaliation when we suspect that we’ve been wronged. Mars is a war god with teeth who longs to bite and an inferno who likes to fuck once the battle is won. He will attack with little prompting, and I’ll tell you a secret…so will people ruled by him. Mars is excited for the Uranian apocalypse, because it means all bets are off and he can shed rivets of blood without consequence. Conversely, he is also a little bitch who sees slights where none exist and who can be combative as a way to hide hurt feelings. Hey, we all have layers.
Jupiter represents order, faith, authority, and institutional integrity - and much like Zeus and the whole marriage-to-Hera thing, those social pillars don’t seem to be holding up very well. We can’t have a society without structure, though, and as our esteemed, enormous benefic, Jupiter can usually temper any gnarly aspects in which he is involved. He amplifies other planets like a big, dumb celestial quartz, generally honing in on harmonious qualities that lubricate our interactions instead of chafing at them, and that’s how Zeus keeps Olympus, and humanity, on the rails. Unfortunately, Jupiter is in Gemini, so he’s a little debilitated right now. This is due to Gemini being one of Mercury’s houses, and Hermes is a conniving bastard that Zeus never quite trusted. No one should trust Hermes.
Saturn dictates the ways we are bound, the limits we must observe, and the timeframe of our struggle because Kronos is a dick about power. He ate his own kids, what did we expect?! Saturn is also mystery, though, and a guidepost for delineating the known from the unknown, stuck as he is on the edge of our visible universe. We need Saturn to tell us when we’ve gone too far, when we’ve over-extended ourselves, and when we are just objectively, palpably, seriously wrong. Kronos is the guy responsible for any setbacks, disappointments, and negation that we will endure in the coming weeks, which also makes him responsible for the maturing and growth we will do as a result of said setbacks. We don’t need to thank him, though. He’s still an enormous bummer.
Venus is our joy, art, abundance, and justice. She is the yin to Mars’ yang, the respite of home after a long day, and the joy we experience from beauty, creativity, and validation. Of course, Aphrodite can also be a petty, shallow bitch who delights in drama and attention, so we should still be careful with Venus. I also don’t recommend drastic changes to hair, makeup, or style during her harsh aspects, because she loves to exert aesthetic power and the house of Virgo makes her mean and judgy. Makeovers will not go well.
Uranus lurks in the shadows of the week, creeping through various aspects during a full moon in Aquarius that all but guarantees disruption and upheaval. This outer planet is electricity, broad visions, and a frightening dedication to revolution at any violent cost - like a tech bro if they had any true vision or backbone beyond crypto and their own mediocre ambition to stuff their ears with money. Move fast and break things, yadda, yadda, yadda. Technology workers are specialists, however, and Uranus is very expansive; he thinks broadly, like the sky god for which he is named, Ouranos. Disruption pleases Uranus, probably because he’s all the way up in the sky and can simply observe and enjoy it the way, say, Vladimir Putin enjoys observing his troll army. Unlike Russia’s warmongering puff toad, though, Uranus breaks things to make them better. Eventually.
When do I have to deal with this?
WED 8.14 thru Fri 8.16 - Blowhards Form a Mutable Square of Frustration
Mars in Gemini Qualities: Hotheaded, Loud, Quick-tongued, Insulting, Scattered, Spoiling for a Fight
Jupiter in Gemini Qualities: Loquacious, Eager, Generous, Intellectual, Articulate, Open-minded
Saturn in Pisces Qualities: Circumspect, Genuine, Spiritual, Collective, Depressive, Mature
When fighter Ares combines forces with his expansive, bearded daddy Zeus in Mercury’s chariot of Gemini, the shit-talking is ramped up to an 11 and has a lifespan of days instead of hours. Honestly, just stay out of it, whatever it is. People are going to be frustrated and intense, because even though these two love a good fight, Kronos will smack them both down with one swipe of his scythe and put them in the corner for being naughty boys who never learn. So it will go for public conversations, attempts at expansion, and any acts of aggression; nothing will progress or transform, and we won’t even be gifted the frisson that comes from chewing someone out who we feel deserves it because a rule or regulation will stop us from pushing toward a satisfying conclusion. We’ll be blocked by a troll online before we can land a final verbal punch, or our attorney will advise us against speaking in court, or an older relative will shove a piece of pie in our mouths before we can righteously tell our racist uncle off. Many social media apps automatically ask you if you’re sure you want to post a vitriolic response, despite being justified in responding to some asshat who has been spewing false garbage, unfettered, for hours. They purposely make it difficult to follow through on a violent, yet righteous impulse. That’s the vibe of this astrology.
SUN 8.16 - A Day of Loud Deconstruction, Male v.s. Female, and Radical Outcomes
Mercury in Leo Qualities: Charismatic, Idealistic, Ego-driven, Silver-tongued, Brash
Uranus in Taurus Qualities: Practical, Sensual, Unmovable, Fair-minded, Collective, Resolute
Venus in Virgo Qualities: Judgy, Petty, Perfectionist, Consequence Driven, Precise, Kind of a Drag
Today, Mercury conjoins the sun in Leo for what we call a cazimi, which is when a planet looks like it becomes one body with our sun from the perspective of Earth and they ‘burn up’ to be re-born as a visible planet once they separate. At the same time, both are squaring Uranus in Taurus, which always brings a possibility of dissolution and disarray, because Uranus is a shit disturber and squares always denote friction. The house of Leo is sun ruled, and the archetype of our sun represents maleness, authority, tradition, order, aspirations of greatness, and idealism. Think of a big, puffy-maned lion licking himself while the women go out hunting. Taurus, however, is a Venus ruled house, so Uranus will be fighting on the part of the feminine archetype that values instinct, sensuality, practicality, creativity, and justice. Even if our burgeoning gender war wasn't already overheated, the spice level in this moment could blow past 5 and head into burn-the-roof-of-every-white-person’s-mouth-off territory. Be careful in relationships and the public square today, because Mars is still influencing us when these archetypal bodies go head to head, and it will be very easy to say or do horrible things that we don’t mean, but that we will be unable to retract.
I don’t normally pay attention to fixed stars, but another astrologer pointed out the important position of Alphard in this cazimi, which is a big star at the heart of the Hydra constellation. When Uranus and Alphard square off, as they will this Sunday, water calamity, poisoning, and violence are indicated. I also find it interesting that Mercury will be ‘burning up’ right as they join Alphard, invoking imagery like flooding, climate change, heated oceans, and death at sea, which would all square neatly with Uranus’ love of upheaval. While this doesn’t necessarily mean hordes of women will be poisoning or drowning their husbands* on Sunday, it does indicate a need for grace, caution, and patience when dealing with both intimate partner friction and the more collective friction between men and women in 2024.
*Unless they really want to. I may have missed a meeting. Ladies? Poison Partyyyy?!
Cool, what does the Tarot say about this?
This Monday, 8.12, the 2 of Spheres showed us a polarity around money and security that might benefit us if we explore it further.
Justice staked her claim as the major arcana dominating our week on Tuesday, 8.13, indicating that conversations about inequality, fairness, and consequences are not over. In fact, the inclusion of labradorite might hint at an alignment of many different factions over common injustices.
On Wednesday, 8.14, The Queen of Pentacles placed greed at the top of our needs pyramid, and materialism (or the desire to be free of such a concept) will continue to be a theme as we struggle to re-balance our society. Pay attention to news blips about the economy.
The Ace of Swords reversed on Thursday, 8.15, adjusts our focus to the realm of the intellect and speech, with someone feeling thwarted or blocked from implementing a new idea. Based on the presence of joyful chalcopyrite, this may end up being the sort of idea that many of us will be happy to thwart.
The King of Pentacles brings us back to money and economic health on Friday, 8.16., which may mean we see a correction of sorts to the crass materialism from earlier in the week. A companion pull of red amethyst indicates the need for calm, so money markets might be going haywire, only to re-balance before the closing bell. A king might also indicate a trusted, staid authority figure who makes moves to soothe us all.
Saturday, 8.17 brings the 2 of Wands reversed and a companion pull of turquoise, which could indicate travel woes, philosophical polarity, and passionate disagreements. The weekend ushers in some truly insane astrology as well as an energetic ramp up to a powerful full moon, so proceed with caution. On Sunday, 8.18, The Hermit wants us to synthesize whatever madness comes at us calmly and instinctually, without allowing all the public noise to pollute what we know in our hearts to be true. Like Virgo, The Hermit tells us that we must sift carefully through bullshit in order to determine worth, or lack thereof, and a crystal pull of pink tourmaline hints at pulling away from arguments in order to protect our hearts and minds. This is a crucible, and if we can also withstand the heat of Mars, the pressure of Saturn, and the ego of Jupiter, we might get to the other side with our sanity intact.
Visit @alectochaos on IG for the full, wordy breakdown and video of each card pull, and to get the jump on the Mon - Wed card pulls. If you are into that sort of thing.