Spring, Sex, and Sauciness, Courtesy of Taurus
This week is a beautiful continuation of renewed desire and fulfillment, thanks to the dominance of Venus in our warming sky.
What is happening?!
Normally, dear reader, this is the part where I crankily introduce all the horrible possibilities the stars have in store for us, then proceed to offer scant comfort and cautionary advice for avoiding the worst of the impending cosmic wrath. I try to keep the warnings light and leave very wide berth for error as a way to soothe our collective catastrophic thinking, because with everything going on in this foul year of Our Lord, 2024, nobody needs another doom scroll clogging their inbox. Additionally, I focus on the problematic portions of the skies because so many other astrology writers rely on breathy advice like, “This transition is powerful, affirming, and a chance to embrace a better you,” or similar nonsense that sounds as though it should be embroidered on a pillow among the textiles of HomeGoods. Fuck off, Karen - some transitions will not be good! They will suck, and a toxically positive attitude isn’t going to change the basic truth that many of us are on the brink of despair. I would rather be prepared for the worst possibilities than blindsided by bullshit because I was expecting unicorns and rainbows, so I rarely present zodiacal happenings to people in such rosy terms. As above, so below, indeed.
This time, though…well, feel free to chuck a snowball in hell for me, because the astrology for the upcoming week and weekend is nothing short of awesome. We’ll be treated to an amplified manifestation of Venus energy that began with the Jupiter/Uranus conjunction on 4.20.24 and continued with the energizing, compassionate new moon in Taurus on 5.8, all thanks to a beautiful and fruitful stellium in the sensual and velvety chariot of our girl Aphrodite.
With so many planets in Taurus, the manifestation of money, love, creation, art, beauty, companionship - everything that makes life on Earth worth living, essentially, - is not only possible, but probable as long as we play our cards right and truly focus on fulfilling our desires. Venus, Jupiter, Uranus, and the sun are ALL rolling around in the verdant meadow of Taurus like Ferdinand the Bull in a California super bloom, which means that love, money, luck, and rebellion will have fertile grounds within which to seed throughout the remainder of May. (Honestly, they were seeded on April 20th, so a more apt metaphor for this weekend would be to compare it to the first enthusiastic green sprouts of the season.) Jupiter and Uranus are only just separating from their rare conjunction, and on 5.13.24, Uranus and the sun formed their own blinding conjunction, the fruits of which we have already seen in our evening sky; this shit-disturber god of revolution and electricity has been revving us up with a sweet, psychedelic light show in the northern hemisphere as a prelude to his fiery marriage to Apollo.
Why would this affect me?
This prosperous, passionate energy might be felt intensely or lightly, depending on planetary influence in personal charts as well as where individuals are at in their cute little earthly journeys. If everything has been coming up roses for you this last year or so, first and foremost, please allow some of that karma to rub off on the rest of us. Secondly, extra luck and fortune may not resonate as distinctly for you as it would for those of us experiencing difficult transitions or life stages; it can be hard to recognize mountains when you rarely encounter valleys, and I doubt the likes of Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk, or any other rich, soulless strongman would take too much notice of additional wealth and luck on top of their already incomprehensibly lucky existence.
For anyone else who, like me, has been alternately screaming or sobbing about the state of their lives and the world around us, take heart in the knowledge that Venus is fucking rooting for you, and she is more capable of shifting our structural paradigms than people (ahem, MEN) give her credit for.
With that in mind, this promise of lush possibility will land in different areas of our lives based on, you guessed it, personal natal charts. We can get a good idea of how this lands by sign using ascendants, however, so let’s take a quick look at the horoscopes for each zodiacal house and see where we all need to manifest, manifest, manifest during the next 10 days or so. I recommend reading your sun and rising sign to get a balanced whiff of the cosmic winds, so that we may stretch out our arms and catch the good things flying within our reach like touchable stars.
Taurus: It’s all about you, baby, so take advantage of this identity renaissance. For Bulls underwhelmed with their current lot in life, this is the kind of astrology that can help change fundamental paradigms. Jupiter wants you to take up more space because he is very into taking up space, Uranus wants you to update your look or approach, and your ruler wants you to get spicy with a partner, Taurus, so what are you waiting for? Get that haircut, speak loudly and unapologetically at gatherings, and try out a wacky sex position this weekend. You literally can’t lose.
Gemini: Your dreams could get sexy and weird this week, twins, as could your unspoken and subconscious thoughts, so leave plenty of room for nap time and day dreaming. You are closing a chapter and coming to terms with a quiet ending, which will prepare you for the spotlight once the sun moves into your house next month. It’s okay to sit still this week and wander the contours of your own mind without external input; with so much Taurus energy in the air, inertia may actually be appealing to you. For once.
Cancer: Prepare to get social in ways you never have before, you scuttling homebodies, because new friends, advantageous groups, and public committees will be knocking down your door this spring, increasing your luck and publicity in all sorts of unexpected ways. It’s weird for shell dwellers to get so much attention, but if you take in stride, you may find you…enjoy it? Yes, you will have to leave the house, but it will be so worth it.
Leo: Fortune is calling, dear lions, and it’s using your professional betters as a mouthpiece. Uranus may be asking you to abandon your current employment for vastly larger rewards in a different field, or he may simply force you to approach your current profession in a very different way - however it shakes out, the benefits could be endless, and for Leo, that means massive public recognition.
Virgo: If you’re jazzed with a new desire for continuing education, Virgo - whether that means secondary degrees, vocational changes, or a program of cultural immersion - you have the Taurus stellium to thank as it hovers in your 9th house of philosophy and exploration. This is a great time to go deep into your intellectual and spiritual pursuits and get as weird as you always want to when no one is around to judge you - perhaps even surrounding yourself with strangers purposefully, as one might on a foreign sabbatical or kooky, metaphysical exchange program. The boring shit like chores can wait; I assure you they’ll still be there when you come home.
Libra: Endings, karmic upheaval, and new, untested paths to intimacy will begin making themselves known to you in this last half of May, but they aren’t necessarily destructive or malefic, just surprising. Out-of-nowhere revelations like a big fat cheque from a long lost aunt, completion of damning paperwork involving extraction or severance, and/or the embrace of a startling sexual kink by a partner could all be headed down the spring pipeline as a way to keep things interesting and keep Libra guessing.
Scorpio: This is the time to swallow your immense, evil pride and repair any partnerships, friendships or group communications that went astray, Scorpio. Harmony is in the air and it wants you to get on board the reconciliation train, or at the very least, the not-everyone-who-disagrees-with-me-is-my-enemy train. Even partners who haven’t monumentally pissed Scorpio off would benefit from some positive reinforcement; it’s weird, but the people around you like to hear that you love and care about them, Scorpio. Tell them, maybe.
Sagittarius: Go to the doctor, Sag. Do the diet, buy the planner, order the supplement, and restructure your practical habits before May is over, because if you do, enormous benefits could result. Centaurs that are looking to eliminate vices and bad habits will have particular success, because Jupiter will maximize the effects of your good intentions while Uranus turns the page to a completely different you. Okay, maybe not completely different, but a healthier, more punctual version of your normal hot mess.
Capricorn: Say it with me, Sea Goats - it is okay to find joy in things that are not work. It is okay to leave a cell in the spreadsheet blank for a day or two. No one but you will notice! Focus on fun hobbies, art, social merriment, and joyful excursions, and yes, if filing late taxes counts as a joyful excursion for you, then go for it. But Capricorn, of all signs, understands that we cannot expect rewards without putting in the work, and that goes for relationships and hobbies, too. Think of this as an assignment, and the instructions are to do something fun.
Aquarius: Time to turn your eye for improvement and individuality on yourself, Aquarius, or at least to your most intimate and personal environment, because when it comes to your home, there could be joyful surprises ahead. It may be that you are looking to upgrade to a different living situation, and suddenly a rehabbed warehouse with a green roof is on the market and in your price range. Or maybe you’ve been meaning to replace your inefficient old plumbing and lighting with newer, eco-friendly models, and you suddenly become acquainted with a green contractor willing to work for trade. Home improvement has never been so unexpectedly fulfilling as it could be for Aquarius this spring.
Pisces: It’s time to emerge from your dark, watery cocoon and into the light of day like the blinking, stunned sea creature you are. It’s May! Yes, the world is still terrible, and yes, you might still have winter depression, but you know what would clear that right up? Taking a walk around the neighborhood, attending a community meeting, or getting brunch with friends (remember those? friends?!) would go a loooong way to making Pisces feel like it’s worth being part of the world again.
Aries: Okay, Ram. You are one of the only signs that can deal with straight talk, so this is it; get your shit together with money. You received a pass due to this hellish eclipse season taking place in your first house of self, and you may only now be emerging from the funk of transition, but being depressed about finances and anxious about the future isn’t going to help. Make a plan, double-check the plan, and start acting on the unique ways that you alone can garner the security you need.
When do I have to deal with this?
5.13.24 - Uranus and the sun became at 2 degrees on Monday of next week, but Uranus moves very slowly, so he’ll be contributing to our Taurean feelings of revolutionary bliss for the whole week. Something weird and unexpected in the technology/finance sector wouldn’t be remiss this week, either.
5.15.24 - Mercury will ingress into Taurus on this day, the upside of which is that everyone might calm the fuck down when communicating in the public square, given the lugubrious nature of Taurus energy over Aries energy. The downside is that people might spend an entire month speaking only of food; what they ate, where they ate it, and whether or not they liked it. Don’t worry, Taurus will also provide pictures of this food, because it’s all they goddamn care about.
5.18.24 - Now the sun will conjunct Jupiter in Taurus, and opportunities will abound for expansion, prosperity, luck and joy. AND NOW WE ARE IN A 5 PLANET STELLIUM! If you are taking a test, submitting an application, interviewing for a job, applying for a loan, or throwing a dinner party, this is the week to do it, because no planet loves big success as much as Jupiter.
5.20.24 thru 5.30.24 - On 5.20, our sun enters Gemini and the world will get a whole lot chattier. On 5.22, our sun squares to Pluto in Aquarius and there could be strange, revolutionary ideas in chat rooms and on the news. By 5.23, Venus follows suit and enters Gemini, whereupon Jupiter, never a dude to miss a party, will join everyone in Gemini on 5.25. Finally, on 5.30, Mercury and Uranus form a conjunction in Taurus and all those revolutionary whispers might find footing in the real world.
Cool, what does the Tarot say about this?
Temperance reversed gets a bad rap, I suspect because we are so focused on being productive in modern times - but productivity is also increasingly being defined by rich assholes who rely on other people’s bodies for their wealth. So, let’s interpret this card as taking naps when we need them and embracing Taurean hedonism, just for a little while.
On Wednesday, 5.15, communication becomes more reflective and less reactive thanks to Mercury moving into Taurus from Aries. Looking into a soul Mirror gives us a glimpse of ourselves as others see and hear us, and we can determine where we need to temper our speech. Interesting conversations may be had around money, security, appearances and the culinary arts - but, more importantly, the tone of both our personal and collective speech will become a bit more harmonious with reality.
The Fool is another oft maligned tarot card - no, it does not mean that we are all destined for stupidity. Something may invite a fresh perspective on Thursday, 5.16, however, and it can be challenging to let go of expectations. Work to approach the rest of the week with an open mind and heart - don’t assume anything, but be open to everything.
Friday, 5.17 looks irritating; The Emperor reversed indicates inflexibility and a slavish devotion to authority, which, when combined with the 7 of Coins reversed, serves up a frustrating moment with little progress on finances, health, and other practical, earthly goals. Razor sharp focus on grasping low hanging fruit is probably the best approach for this moment, so whittle your task list down to the life essentials and get those done. Ignore the non-essential.
By Saturday, 5.18, we will be ready for a little party courtesy of the 4 of Rods, but be careful; Taurus is tempting everyone to overindulge and party like it’s 1999, but that may not be fruitful for those of us who need our days off to remain creative and stimulating. (Also, I was at the party in 1999, and it wasn’t that great.)
The hangover kicks in on Sunday, 5.19, and with it inevitable shame about what may or may not have been drunkenly spoken in the darkness. Inebriation erased our inhibition, but it never erases our obligations or the decisions we’re trying to avoid. We still have to deal with those! 6 of Cups reversed wants us to let go and get over something with our friends and family, and the 2 of Swords means that it leads to an intellectual decision or impasse. It is also possible that the impasse came first, and now there will be a choice between clinging to what is comfortable or separating ourselves and moving on. The ultimate continuation of this story will look different for all of us.
Visit @alectochaos on IG for the full, wordy breakdown and video of each card pull. If you are into that sort of thing.
What else can we do to use this astrology?
The major player in all of these good vibes is Venus, so get down with whatever Venusian activity is going on in and around the community as a way to honor her; go to an art show, make some art at home, stay an extra hour in bed with a partner, snag a spa appointment, or treat yourself to something tasty. Ritual doesn’t always need to involve late-night chanting, burning, or slicing - sometimes it can mean taking part in simple activities that align with the cosmic energy.
It’s important to try and regain some joy during weird, fraught times, otherwise it’s too easy to forget why we should fight for a better world at all. Stargazing, gardening, painting, etc. are fine ways to invoke the spirit of Aphrodite without having to don a peplos and dance in the forest, which works out for those of us under enormous time constraints. Who has time to coordinate an entire coven AND secure the park pass?! Instead, dedicate your self-care to the goddess and kill two birds with one stone. If getting a haircut doesn’t feel devotional enough, just slide some rhodonite and green aventurine into your pocket before you get to the salon - they are two of Venus’ favorite crystals.