Weekend Astro Forecast: How About That Apocalypse, Huh?
The absolute worst outcome of a Pluto cazimi has surely descended upon us, dawning a new era of corrupt, plutonian leadership. I'm having fun, aren't you having fun?
What Has Happened So Far?
It seems that we in the esoteric arts must petition the old gods for a brand new word, because I’m beginning to lack the adjectives to properly divine what the stars are doing to us. Humans around the globe would benefit from finding a more economical way to communicate the following state; that of being absolutely, stupendously, ridiculously fucked from all sides. That is a mouthful to spew on the daily, and it would behoove us to create a new noun for this loathsome era…something brief and memorable that increases our efficiency. A trifuckta? Fucktoberfest? Have we finally descended into the ultimate Fucktopia? After all, the moon is currently in Sag-fuck-ttarius.
It has been mere days since the culmination of two ominous events, and in my extremely wizard-like, unscientific opinion they are deeply intertwined. Donald Trump was inaugurated the U.S. President, again, and Pluto conjoined the sun in Aquarius, marking the beginning of a new era that will last us until 2043. Pluto, the planet of underbellies, shadows, and destruction, was illuminated by our sun, perhaps even empowered by it, marking a decisive shift away from Olympus, or the status quo, and toward The Underworld. So…hell, for those of you who are not as obsessed with Greek mythology as the rest of us. The sun has birthed a new era of visible, tangible hell.
What sort of hell, you may wonder? This week we saw a flurry of executive orders from our new despot that embody the very worst of both Pluto and Aquarius; orders which revoke workplace discrimination, birthright citizenship, and American citizens’ right not to be killed by our own military. Like a D.J. hopped up on coke and speeding through his hits before the bar closes, our President also managed to sneak in some fetal personhood, gender binary gobbledegook, and immigration hysteria that not only moves military troops to our border, but authorizes I.C.E., a thuggish, weaponized arm of the government, to infiltrate heretofore untouchable third spaces like churches and schools in search of undocumented people.
I’ve been warning about the dark side of Aquarius for a while now, and it chaps my ass that modern astrologers are still bopping around talking about aliens and robots and space angels as the dominant effect of this new era. Though some of that could come to pass, by focusing only on the galaxy-brained nuttiness of The Water-Bearer we lull people, dishonestly, into a false sense of security - one that encourages complacency and denial. The story of Aquarius is not a nice one, and Hades has his own baggage from eons spent ruling a chaotic shadow realm of judgement and death. This volatile mix of astrology also includes a debilitated, hostile Mars getting dragged backwards by the collar through Cancer, and a new eclipse axis via our southern and northern lunar nodes in Virgo and Pisces, respectively. That is a LOT of bitchy water energy, folks.
The best thing I can say is that no new astrological horror crops up over the weekend; we’ll just be groping our way through the continual fallout from Pluto as his cazimi dissipates, like the gauzy tail of an evil comet. There may also be glimmers of hope in our personal spheres due largely to Venus, gods bless her. The lady planet’s devotion to love, pleasure, and horniness should positively impact our relationships and creative projects by providing escape, for a little bit, from this invisible mist of dread through which we are careening. You might find yourself inspired to make something beautiful for a friend or partner as you lounge about in sweats and avoid the news, if this week has flattened you. Those of us with a spicier demeanor may stretch our imaginations into the revolutionary realm, making community connections, illustrating political zines, or grabbing a spray can at 2am and painting our disdain on the freeway. Certain planets are vibing in ways that encourage unique ideas and solutions, so at the very least, put your favorite album on and lay on the carpet like a starfish while having a good think. The universe will never judge us for finding beauty and comfort in quiet moments, and even the gods need a hug now and then.
FRIDAY - 1.24.25: The Tail End of Pluto Cazimi Chaos Lingers
If you have absolutely no energy for anything past edibles and Netflix, don’t beat yourself up. We have been introduced to the darkest part of Aquarius this week; the part that thinks it knows what is best for everyone, and is so vociferous in his conviction that he will force improvements on a collective whether they like it or not. You see, Aquarius is called The Water-Bearer because the Greek myth that birthed him centered on Ganymede, an unfortunate young man that everyone on Earth coveted for his beauty. Zeus, who never met a piece of nubile flesh that he didn’t wish to defile, caught wind of Ganymede, turned himself into an eagle, and ferried the boy away on his back to Olympus. Once there, the Olympians gave Ganymede the “honor” of serving them water and wine at feasts, securing his place of elevation with the gods by making him immortal.
There is all kinds of sleaziness in this myth, especially when we consider the Ancient Greek viewpoint that young boys were the ideal sexual partners of mature men instead of women. Still, the other aspect of Ganymede’s story that has pissed me off since I was little is the tyranny forced on Ganymede framed as some sort of divine favor. Not only did he get to endure rape at the hands of a bearded creeper, he was cursed to do so indefinitely, in between carrying water around for said creeper and his craven, perverse associates. This is still presented in astrology courses as evidence of Ganymede’s, and by association, Aquarius’ superiority to other humans and treated as an honor! The idea that one person, or a tiny group of people, might know what is best for the masses has always been fallacious, and it’s the reason most countries don’t reach their Pluto return without breaking apart into pieces, or undergoing complete, usually violent overhauls of their governing and economic structures. This zealotry and ego is the dark side of Pluto’s recent transit and our new age of air; we are seeing it in the sweeping executive orders signed this week that push one world view, one religion, and one small man’s vengefulness on millions of people as though he were doing us a favor.
So, yes. The sun represents leaders and idealism, Pluto is obsession, depravity, and perversion, and Aquarius is a stubborn shit who wants to dictate terms to the masses. They came together this week in one despot, and like him, these celestial influences will not be going away anytime soon. This is the En-fuck-enment.
SATURDAY - 1.25.25: Venus Forms a Sexy, Volatile Water Trine with Mars
These two are passionate when they get together, sparking everything from bedroom experimentation to financial risk-taking. Venus is exalted in Pisces, which gives her the upper hand over poor, demoralized Mars in Cancer and places her in the driver’s seat for the bulk of the weekend. The love goddess will makes us emotionally expansive, financially savvy, and inspired AF, so get your date nights, job opportunities, or general strike meetings lined up if you haven’t already done so, because this aspect will affect us through Monday, January 27th.
SUNDAY - 1.26.25: Venus, Uranus, and Mercury Speed Through Some Energizing, Productive Sextiles
Two different sextiles beam optimistic vibes down on us beginning today and lasting until around Tuesday, January 28th. First up is a continuation of Venusian bridge-building when the lady planet works with Uranus to bring us reduced inhibitions and a lust for experimentation. Get your minds out of the gutter, it’s not that kind of experimentation…or at least, not only that kind of experimentation. We’ll also be jazzed to hang out with new people, change the tone of our clothing or makeup, and entertain new avenues of wealth building. So when an unexpected invite comes your way this weekend, take it.
One the same day that Venus and Uranus get their freak on, Mercury and Neptune will encourage deep philosophical thoughts anchored in the realms of communication and spirituality. Churchgoers may notice that the pulpit preaching is chock full of metaphors and ten cent words on this day, and social media could be unusually rife with profound discussions and weighty topics instead of the usual smarmy memes and cat videos. Be careful of getting ensnared in heated discussions or political bait, though - Mars is still in pissy bitch mode, so no one will leave these interactions calm or satisfied, only more riled up and agitated than ever before. It won’t be worth it.
Weekend Activities
Check out the night sky on January 25th and you may be able to see Venus, Mars, Jupiter, and Saturn forming a galactic kick-line, probably planning their next crushing series of blows on our puny, mortal world. Mars, our war god, has been particularly bright since veering the closest his orbit allows him on January 12th, and Venus, the big, bright evening star herself, will be so near to him that we’ll be able to map their watery trine with our fingers as we crane our necks heavenward. It’s been uncharacteristically clear in Seattle this week, so I make a point to be on my balcony every night, weakly pleading with these jerks to give us a goddamn break until I’m too tired to stand. Then I go back inside, crawl into bed, set my alarm to Fuck:Shit O’Clock, and prepare to do it all again the next evening.
I am on a deep dive into the astrological world that I have been skirting my whole life. Your perspective is dark and delightful and I am thankful for it. As I work to learn the personality of all these planets and energies your words give me an understanding like no other. I look forward to your writings - thank you! PS The skies have been super clear here in NE Oregon, too, but first, I do not know what I am looking at and second, I cannot crane my neck like that and it is too damn cold to lay outside under the skies. Another reason your descriptions are helpful!
This entire post is, as they say, a mood. Thank you. Because I am an incorrigible optimist (or at any rate was, until November), I had hoped the Pluto in Aquarius era would be a breath of fresh air for equality and justice. (Maybe it still can, once the nastier elements of humanity, now fully exposed to the light, are excised from our collective psyche in the very thorough way Pluto likes to do. Yeah...perhaps some of that optimism remains after all...)