Alecto Chaos

Alecto Chaos

Home
Archive
Leaderboard
About
Astro Forecast 3.21.25: Goodbye, Pisces, and Thanks for All the Fucked Up Fish
Aries season 2025 kicks off like the blast of a shotgun, but it wouldn't have been possible had Pisces not provided the ammo.
 • The Cranky Astrologer
Dear Saturn. Fuck You.
The sorrowful abyss of malefic planets in late Pisces.
 • The Cranky Astrologer
Astro Forecast 3.29.25: Neptune in Aries Is Ready To Party Like It's 1862
Astrological recurrences that echo multiple violent transitions in history are here to teach us a lesson we never seem to learn.
 • The Cranky Astrologer
Astro Forecast 3.12.25: Eclipse Season is Here and Holy Shit We're Fucked
Oh, were you afraid of eclipses? Mercury stationing retrograde? Oligarchy? Buckle up, Buttercup - because they are all happening.
 • The Cranky Astrologer
Super-Pissed-Loudmouth-Super-Moon-Mercury-in-Scorpio Horoscopes
Quadruple Mars significations in the sky indicate we aren't just dreaming of war this month; we're becoming fluent in the language of violence.
 • The Cranky Astrologer
Uranian, Shit-Disturbing Holiday Horoscopes
A lunar cycle entwined with Mercury and a retrograde Uranus laid the foundation for an experimental, disruptive holiday season. Don your table-flipping…
 • The Cranky Astrologer
Horoscopes, Warnings, and Eclipse Chaos
The solar eclipse on September 21st will join forces with Saturn to bring our shortcomings from the shadow to the light. The time for hiding is over.
 • The Cranky Astrologer
Astro Forecast 4.18.25: Our Planets Illustrate How The Little Things Add Up
Mercury and Mars make small, but important moves this weekend. They are jockeying into position for something far more dramatic, just like us.
 • The Cranky Astrologer
Astro Forecast 4.9.25: Mercury and Venus Are Also Over This Retrograde Shit
Our connection, communication, and discipline planets are stationing direct in the same place this week; a Pisces Decan that signifies illusions and…
 • The Cranky Astrologer
Triple Aspect Horoscopes For Getting to the Root of Things
Saturn, Venus, Mars, and Pluto are using this month's new moon to cut through the weeds. What we discard and what we keep will be important as we walk a…
 • The Cranky Astrologer
Astro Forecast 2.26.25: Pisces Gives Us Blurred Boundaries, Empathy and Optimism Before All Hell Breaks Loose
The sun, moon, Mercury, Saturn, Neptune, and north node are all cooling their heels in Pisces this week. Commence shifting timeframes, inconsistent…
 • The Cranky Astrologer
Astro Forecast 7.25.25: New Moon Fall Out, Pluto, Karma, and Bonus Horoscopes
The new moon in Leo faces off Pluto in Aquarius as powerful men work to keep sordid truths buried, but Hades suffers no fools...and certainly not these…
 • The Cranky Astrologer
© 2026 The Cranky Astrologer · Privacy ∙ Terms ∙ Collection notice
Start your SubstackGet the app
Substack is the home for great culture