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The Astrology of May is Verdant and Fulfilling
Move over, you malefic planets; the benefics are taking the reins for May, and they want to help us embody our ideal selves.
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The Cranky Astrologer
An Inescapable Full Moon in Scorpio
Whatever April's astrology has unburied, we will no longer be able to escape it; not personally, and certainly not globally.
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The Cranky Astrologer
Jupiter and Uranus Have Your Back
A rare conjunction between the planets of luck and upheaval will be laying the foundation for abundance this week. Don't let it go to waste.
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Venus Goes Deep
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Chaos to Clarity
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A Pluto Cazimi Ushers in The Age of Aquarius
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90 Degrees of Frustration
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A Pisces Sun and Virgo Moon Play Tug of War with our Psyche
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Horoscopes for the January Full Moon in Leo
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Chase your eclipse hangover with a medicinal shot of Mars and Saturn conjunct.
And in case it was ever a question, April of 2024 is absolutely one of the craziest astrological months we've had in recent memory.
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The Cranky Astrologer
The Unsettling, Liminal Space of Eclipse Season
Hang on to your pants as the axis of the universe cranks its rusty gears and we pivot, messily, from bittersweet endings to electric beginnings.
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The Cranky Astrologer
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This Aries Season Will Not be Like the Others
An eclipse season featuring Chiron and a chaotic Mercury Retrograde will have us missing Pisces before he even leaves. Things may get uncomfortable.
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Venus Moves into Pisces and Gives us all a Fucking Break
Relax! Our planet of art and beauty is welcome and exalted in the house of dreams, devotion, and compassion; amidst chaos, she's here to remind us that…
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The Cranky Astrologer
The Dangerous Emotional Intensity of March
March 10th kick starts a dynamic lunar cycle as Mars and Uranus form an aspect of upheaval and accidents, and the new moon in Pisces threatens to make…
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The Cranky Astrologer
A Rare Triple Cazimi in Pisces
Saturn and Mercury are closing out their cycles in a fiery conjunction this week, and the hidden misery of our status quo might burn up with them.
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The Cranky Astrologer
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A Pisces Sun and Virgo Moon Play Tug of War with our Psyche
This week's heightened emotions will slosh out of us in unpredictable ways, but as always, Virgo has a solution.
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Mars and Venus Join Pluto in Aquarius
As the collective waits for all (possible) hell to break loose, the dramatics get louder, walls crumble, and something fascinating may be revealed.
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The Cranky Astrologer
Horoscopes for the New Moon in Aquarius
Uranus and Pluto are helping this moon to shake things up, so get ready to blaze trails, whether you like it or not.
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The Cranky Astrologer
Alecto Chaos
Alecto Chaos
Blunt Horoscopes. Foul-Mouthed Tarot. Feminist Rants. Witch Shit.

Alecto Chaos

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