Alecto Chaos

Alecto Chaos

Home
Archive
Leaderboard
About
Tarotscope 7.3.25: Jupiter and The Moon
Temperance and Sagittarius have a message from Old Redeye; he wants us to pay more attention to our pale and lovely moon.
 • 
The Cranky Astrologer
3
1:40:03
The Mystical Resistance Episode 20: Donald, Iran and the Magic of Speech
Cranky and SOMETIMES examine the bombing of Iran by American chucklefucks through the lens of Neptune in Aries. All may not be as it seems.
 • 
The Cranky Astrologer
Astro Forecast 6.25.25: A Super Charged New Moon Gets Kind of Fucked By Saturn
Jupiter and the new moon are midwifing a new era in Cancer, the delivery room of the zodiac - but Saturn's involvement means it might not be easy or…
 • 
The Cranky Astrologer
6
Most Popular
View all
Astro Forecast 3.21.25: Goodbye, Pisces, and Thanks for All the Fucked Up Fish
 • The Cranky Astrologer
37
Astro Forecast 3.29.25: Neptune in Aries Is Ready To Party Like It's 1862
 • The Cranky Astrologer
16
Astro Forecast 3.12.25: Eclipse Season is Here and Holy Shit We're Fucked
 • The Cranky Astrologer
24
Astro Forecast 4.18.25: Our Planets Illustrate How The Little Things Add Up
 • The Cranky Astrologer
19
Astro Forecast 4.9.25: Mercury and Venus Are Also Over This Retrograde Shit
 • The Cranky Astrologer
14
Triple Aspect Horoscopes For Getting to the Root of Things
 • The Cranky Astrologer
9
1:09:55
The Mystical Resistance Episode 19: Protests and Protection
Cranky and SOMETIMES break down the astrology for ICE protests and Trump's military parade, in addition to offering sigils of protection from cops, the…
 • 
The Cranky Astrologer
Astro Forecast 6.9.25: Hell Week Act I! Wild, Mercurial Gossip Meets Real World Consequence
We've been scrutinizing headlines, challenging narratives, and hearing some absolutely crazy shit. Now, Jupiter and Venus get into signs that will turn…
 • 
The Cranky Astrologer
10
1:27:31
The Mystical Resistance Episode 18: Afrikaner Tears, Sean Combs, and the Injustice of Venus in Fall
Miscarriages of justice, social repression, and judicial reckonings are coming to their boiling point as Venus exits her retrograde shadow. SOMETIMES…
 • 
The Cranky Astrologer
Astro Review 5.26.25: Neptune, Saturn, and Venus Have Been Fucking Shit UP in Aries
Neptune gave voice to the wild violence of our collective subconscious when he entered Aries. Venus gathered victims for it. Saturn will shape it into a…
 • 
The Cranky Astrologer
17
1:46:10
The Mystical Resistance Episode 17: Venus In Aries Reflecting Social Injustice
Reproductive panic in the Trump administration, trans panic in the military, and garnished wages for student loans are all reflecting Venus in her fall.
 • 
The Cranky Astrologer
5
Tarot Review 5.12.25: Swords and Silence
Last week's tarot cards emphasized air, intellect, and self-reflection during a rare interval of quiet astrology.
 • 
The Cranky Astrologer
1:17:34
The Mystical Resistance Episode 16: The Plutonian Horrors Persist
Mars and Pluto reflected a third and final chapter of friction with their recent opposition, but it's hard to notice a lit candle when your house is…
 • 
The Cranky Astrologer
Triple Aspect Horoscopes For Getting to the Root of Things
Saturn, Venus, Mars, and Pluto are using this month's new moon to cut through the weeds. What we discard and what we keep will be important as we walk a…
 • 
The Cranky Astrologer
9
Astro Forecast 4.18.25: Our Planets Illustrate How The Little Things Add Up
Mercury and Mars make small, but important moves this weekend. They are jockeying into position for something far more dramatic, just like us.
 • 
The Cranky Astrologer
19
Alecto Chaos
Alecto Chaos
Blunt Horoscopes. Foul-Mouthed Tarot. Feminist Rants. Current Events. Witch Shit.
Recommendations
Nathan Rabin's Bad Ideas
Nathan Rabin's Bad Ideas
Nathan Rabin
User's avatar
Cintra Wilson Feels Your Pain
Cintra Wilson
Vixen’s Substack
Vixen’s Substack
Vixen
Fiona Aedgar's Substack
Fiona Aedgar's Substack
Fiona Aedgar
New Means
New Means
J. P. Hill
© 2025 The Cranky Astrologer
Privacy ∙ Terms ∙ Collection notice
Start writingGet the app
Substack is the home for great culture